like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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