I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
