VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
