I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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