Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
