just come out here and I will go home with you...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
