His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
