I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
