You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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