So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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