Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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