Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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