I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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