I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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