my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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