In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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