if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my sisters under your porch take her home
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
