Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
