So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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