Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
