Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
