Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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