I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
