Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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