I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize