You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Omg I joined a choir last night...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
