The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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