I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
