There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
