I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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