he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize