Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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