I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
