I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
