you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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