Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
