I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.