I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.