I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she smelled like a LAN party
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad