What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
