College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.