Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.