I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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