Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
