Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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