Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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