she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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