I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
