Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
