I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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