Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
