So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
