If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
