She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
