I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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