to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
