Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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