The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
