she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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