1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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