so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there was a trapeze. enough said
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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