I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
