There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
