My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
