and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You can't special order awesome
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
