Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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