can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
