4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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