this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Shame is for Republicans.
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