Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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