she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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