My Higher Power is John Stamos
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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