I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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