Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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