I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
