ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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