sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
