im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
