is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's not cheating when I paid for it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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