well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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