Just cropdusted the office
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
