Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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