Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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