can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
