nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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