Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
